Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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