Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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