where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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