You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
