can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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