I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Girls should come with a carfax report
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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