I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had sex on a roof
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
