This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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