dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
ttyl tear gas
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
In other news, I just burned my penis
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
