True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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