if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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