kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
