i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize