pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
