I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize