John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
