Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
