I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you will always have a special place in my vag
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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