Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
