Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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