Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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