Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't deserve a penis
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
