I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Duck Duck Cougar?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
