happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize