Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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