dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
