Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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