You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
