Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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