Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
