She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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