wrigley field is MILF paradise
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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