I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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