Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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