I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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