At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
