Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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