New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
