i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
