3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
