I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
