Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
