Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
