goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
