They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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