My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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