So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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