hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
