my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
