Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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