it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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