That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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