She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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