You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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