At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
