we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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