That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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