I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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