you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
