ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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