You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
