he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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