Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
