Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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