the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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