every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
