I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
