This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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