I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
