And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
