well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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