I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
