my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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