I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
