she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
