i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
