Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
