haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
