I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
