We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
two words: eviction party
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
