Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i drank out of a bidet.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
