he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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